What Has Changed, or the Evolution of Being, part IV

We discovered in October that I was pregnant with our third child and that same month, I decided to start my own business as a Mary Kay Independent Beauty Consultant. The plan was for me to work to build my own business before the baby came so I could quit
my job for good in June.

The HR Manager pulled me into her office one Monday morning in November and I knew it was time. As she recited her spiel about them eliminating my position, no longer doing events, not having a place for me, and so on and so forth, my heart was pounding.

Excitement flooded through me! This was what I had been praying for, hoping for, begging for! I waved good-bye to all my friends and former co-workers, cleaned out my desk, and walked out
the front door for the last time with a smile on my face. It was time for me to live!

Little did I know. I wasn't as ready to "live" as I thought. The pregnancy had so many complications. I had to be extremely careful with myself. No lifting, no stress, daily progesterone injections, weekly blood tests, and bi-weekly doctors visits.

Then my back went out the Saturday before Thanksgiving.

My boys and I moved in with my dad for that week so he could help me when I could barely get out of bed. And depression set in.

My back slowly healed, but that was followed by one illness after another. By January, I was so depressed; I was barely getting out of bed.

I had stopped pursuing my Mary Kay career completely. I was scared to move.

I stopped talking to God, stopped talking to my husband, and began hiding from my children again. Although I was still going to see Robin every week, I stopped telling her everything. I didn't admit to the depression, the overwhelming sadness, disappointment and fear. And then my greatest fear came to reality.

The one thing that I thought I would never be able to
survive happened. We lost the baby.

---to be continued---