I prayed. I prayed and I prayed and I prayed.
And you know what? God was with me.
He was with me when my doctor held me as I sobbed on his shoulder and told me how sorry he was. How he didn't know what on earth happened.
He was with me when at the hospital registration desk and the woman handed me the box of tissues that would go with us throughout the night and next day. As she carefully escorted us to a private waiting room, got us water, snacks and allowed us to cry alone.
He was with me when the ultrasound tech in the hospital told us about her four lost babies and gently reminded us to always be grateful for the ones we had at home.
He was with me when the Labor and Delivery nurse led us to our room and settled me in while my husband drove the 30 minutes home to get us some things to make it through the night.
He was with me when she told me about her lost baby and that God would be with me. When she quietly told me that the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away.
He was with me when the head nurse/grief counselor came to discuss our "options". When she advised us that through her miscarriages, it always helped her to hold the baby and be able to say good-bye.
He was with me when the pain started to become so great that I called in the night nurse and she gave me medication to "help me forget". And she held my hand while I cried.
He was with me when I pushed and cried and shook silently in the dark. As I tried not to wake my sleeping husband so he wouldn't have to experience the trauma of the birth of his dead son.
He was with me as I sobbed when I called the nurse back in to tell her that it was over. As she told me everything was going to be okay.
He was with me as my husband and I named our baby Thomas Jacob. So I would always remember that the biggest doubters become the most steadfast believers.
He was with me as the doctor wheeled me into surgery to remove the placenta. As she told me it would be all over soon and I would be okay.
He was with me when I woke up screaming that I couldn't breathe. As my new day nurse comforted me and told me that when she lost her baby, she didn't feel peace until she held him and said good-bye.
He was with me when they told me that our baby boy had the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck and it was nothing that I had done wrong.
He was with me as the nurse brought my one ounce baby boy to me in a miniature little blanket so I could see his tiny face, touch his miniscule hand, and say good-bye.
I prayed and He was with me.
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